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Learning from Loneliness

by Patty Freedman

You don’t have to be alone to feel lonely. In recent data from Cigna, more than half of U.S. adults (58%) are considered lonely and the mental health implications are widespread post-pandemic. In this month’s newsletter, we dive into Loneliness, bringing you research and tips so you can better manage feelings of loneliness.. Keep reading for EQ research and resources you can use for you, your faculty and students.

What’s in this edition:

? Thinking About: Loneliness or Solitude?

? Research says: Impact of student loneliness and impact of SEL

?  Try it Yourself: 3 do’s and don’ts to boost connection

?  Mark your calendar: Free Events for Educators – will you join us?

? Thinking About: Loneliness or Solitude?

There’s much discussion about the epidemic of loneliness as rates of people feeling isolated and experiencing negative mental health effects are on the rise. But what about the other feelings of being alone? What about the contented feelings of keeping your own company? Is there a place for that? What is the difference between loneliness and solitude?

The German philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer believed that “to be lonely is to desire an absent want. It is to feel an emptiness that remains unsatisfied” Loneliness can be defined as an absence, a need to be filled. On the other hand, solitude is the desire to be alone and completeness with yourself. Solitude is a space to be creative and content with your own thoughts and feelings. Researchers have found benefits for deliberate time spent alone. Parents and caregivers are encouraged to let their children “get bored” so they can develop skills to problem solve and self-management.

Of course everyone can feel lonely sometimes, but the next time you feel anxious about being alone, can you make the mental shift to reframe and find some appreciation for solitude?

? RESEARCH SAYS: New findings on youth loneliness and impact of SEL

In a study published in Children (2023), Researchers recently conducted a meta-analysis on research about the effects of the pandemic on youth loneliness and wellbeing.

They found that “depression and anxiety symptoms have increased by approximately double that of pre-pandemic estimates with 1 in 4 experiencing clinically elevated depression symptoms and 1 in 5 experiencing clinically elevated anxiety symptoms.” In addition loneliness was correlated with impaired wellbeing. “Cross-sectional results indicated that higher levels of loneliness were significantly associated with poorer well-being.”

In more positive news, the researchers investigated mitigation strategies for loneliness and found that “the intervention designs that showed the largest reductions in loneliness focused on social and emotional learning skills.” They explain that SEL programs have additional benefits “These programs can help reduce loneliness as well as improve academic goals since learning occurs well within supportive relationships.”

? TRY IT YOURSELF: 3 dos and don’ts to boost connection

When you are feeling isolated but want to connect, how do you get started? Here’s three things to try to help you reach out to people.​​​​​​

Don’t avoid chatting

Push yourself to talk to someone today. Maybe it’s the cashier at the store or the person sitting next to you on the bus, research says that talking to people may sound bad in the moment, but in the long term an important step in connecting and good practice. Shy people even get a mood boost from talking to strangers.

Don’t wait for the perfect time

Waiting to connect with people until we feel more comfortable, or happier, or less stressed is a delay tactic we use when we are worried about rejection. Research says most often we judge ourselves more harshly than others. Sharing your own imperfections and practicing self-empathy is one of the best ways to connect with others because often you are more accepting of others. 

Don’t stay on the surface  

Most of us stick to small talk when we are anxious about connecting with others. Sometimes we hold back because we don’t want to appear nosy or ask about inappropriate topics. Research shows that people seek meaningful conversations in relationships. Asking “feeling” questions can help you go deeper. “How did you feel about that?” “What feelings came up for you then?” “Did you have some big feelings?” 

To build stronger ties, start small, do it today, and get curious about other’s emotions by using your emotional intelligence skills.

? MARK YOUR CALENDAR: Free Events for Educators – will you join us?

July 18: Info Session on the EdD at Antioch University, including the SEL Specialization in partnership with Six Seconds

Aug 10: Revealing new global trends in emotional intelligence with guest panelists from WHO, UNICEF, and World Bank

Multiple dates: Get started on the certification pathways with either “Unlocking EQ” or “EQ Educator”

Multiple dates: EQ Café, Optimism & Trust 

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